Cook

2/27/2012 Mon 0920.  Days Without Wife:  142

This is my 35th day on Zoloft.  The drug continues to keep the bleakest of my depression at bay.  Still plenty of sadness, though.  Still missing Molly, Jolene, & Casino.  I can’t believe I used to sleep with a beautiful blonde and two of the cutest dogs in the world, and now I sleep alone.

10 days ago I finally broke down and bought another motorcycle.  This is my third.  It’s a 2004 Honda Shadow 750.  The craigslist ad was asking $2400, but I paid the guy $1850 for it.  I mainly have Paul, my addiction therapist, to thank for that.  He tipped me off about the bike, and also told me that he test drove the bike, and had the guy ready to accept $1900 for it.

Bad news is that it is currently down, stranded at NSGS, where I work as a cook.  Long story short, it needs a couple new parts.  They’re not that expensive–probably $30 total.  Hopefully I won’t have a problem installing them.  One thing about being poor, it forces you to learn more about your equipment, as you end up having to work on it yourself.

Easton told me he’s got a truck, and he’ll help me move it back to the house tomorrow.

Dad went back to Albuquerque.  I talked to him on the phone.  He reported that Kingston’s second kid, a little girl this time, is indeed a cutie.  She was born while Dad was here on Kauai.

Things are noticeably strained between my sister and I.  Used to, we’d talk on the phone or see each other every other day or so.  I feel like it’s been something like 5 days since I talked to her.  I don’t want to be the one to call.  It’s not stubbornness, either.  It’s just that I think Butterfly has made it clear that she wants some space, so I’m gonna give it to her.

Expediter

2/15/2012 Wed 1316.  Days Without Wife:  130

Made it through Valentine’s Day without calling Molly.

Thinking about buying a car or a motorcycle.  I managed to get my massage school tuition refund, so I can afford to get some inexpensive fixer-upper.  I guess the only reason I haven’t is because it means admitting that I’m staying on Kauai, rather than going back to Texas.  I miss Austin and my wife and our two little dogs.

23rd day on Zoloft.  The drug is working as advertised, as far as I can tell.  Maybe it’s a placebo effect, but whatever, I’ll take it.  I feel better.  I’m still depressed, but the depressive episodes are not as intense/brutal as before.  Not as much of the self-hate suicide vibe.  Dr. Karen was pleased to hear that I hadn’t experienced any side effects.

Dad took Butterfly and I to lunch today at a vegan restaurant in Kapaa.  It was the first time I’d seen my sister since our fight in Hanalei 12 days ago.  She was mad at me for calling Trinity an idiot.

Text from my baby sister to me on Fri the 4th:

Go back to the mnland

Losing her support would be a huge blow to me.  I hope I can patch things up.

I saw Easton today at the Kilauea Bakery.  He had been out in the Kalalau Valley for a bit, and is going back in next week.  Wish I didn’t have two jobs, or I’d go with him.

Going in to work today at Oasis on the Beach at 4 p.m.  Food Expediter shift.  Should be good times.