1/26/2012 Thu 1330. Days Without Wife: 110.
Feeling pretty low today. Been thinking about wife. How am I ever going to be able to give my heart to another woman? What if I never do? What if I’m alone for the rest of my life? The prospect terrifies me. I was a troubled boy who grew into a sad man, and when I look ahead I see a sad old man. I don’t want to be a sad old man.
Worked the morning shift today at Northshore General. I was scheduled to work at six, but didn’t get in until 7:15. I had to hitchhike in from Kilauea, and the Menehune Food Mart is evidently not a great place to hitch at zero-dark-hundred. I posted myself on the Kuhio Hwy at about 5, and it took almost 2 hours before someone offered me a ride.
Dad got into town yesterday. Butterfly, Trey, and myself went down to Lihue to meet him at the airport. He’s looking good for a man who’s pushing seventy, and has been through what he’s been through. Of my two parents, he is the one I worry about less, as he eats right and does yoga every day. I wish Mom took care of herself as well as he does.
Today is my 4th day on the anti-depressant Zoloft. I finally broke down and allowed Dr. Karen to write me a scrip, when I went to the clinic Monday for my therapy session. Dr. Karen, Paul, Dad, Uncle Bubba…they’ve all come out in support of my going back on medication. I had been resisting up until now. Hopefully it can help me. I need help.
